When the President is Bored
by Erin Elric
Summary: Rufus Shinra is bored. So what exactly does our young president do when his bored.
1. Chapter 1

I was bored so I decided to write this. Read review no flames.

When the President is bored 

Ch 1 Golfing…

Rufus Shinra sighed sounding bored as he scribbled some random notes on a piece of paper that occupied his desk. He pressed the button on his intercom. "Reno."

"Yes sir?"

"I'm bored."

"And what do you want me to sir?"

"I don't know. Got any ideas?"

"No not really sir."

Rufus gasped then shut off the intercom and ran out of his office. "I have great idea let's go golfing."

The four Turks looked at Rufus frowning.

"Golfing sir?" asked Tseng.

"I'm sorry sir but that sounds boring as hell." Said Reno

"Well rich people go golfing and I'm rich there fore I golf." He said opening a closet and pulled a set of clubs and five pares of golf outfits.

"We can't golf, the plaid pants will clash with Reno's hair." Said Elena.

"Shut up!" yelled Reno

"Both of you quite it." Said Tseng.

"We are going golfing deal with it." Said Rufus

"But I don't wana." Whined Reno

"To bad. Get the chopper ready and but the golf clothes on." Said Rufus leaving.

"Shoot me." All four of the Turks said at the same time.

"I heard that!" he called.

"Sorry sir!" they all said.

At the golf course…

"You." Said Rufus pointing at Rude. "Carry these." He said handing him the golf clubs.

"Yes sir." He said adjusting them so he could carry them.

"You." He said pointing at Elena. "Bring me water when I need it."

"Yes sir." She sighed.

"You." He said pointing at Tseng. "Golf with me." He said handing him a club.

"Yes sir."

"All right let's golf."

"What about me?" asked Reno.

Rufus turned and stared at the redheaded Turk. "Umm… drive the golf cart."

"Yes sir."

"Now let's golf!"

The golf course was pretty vacant (Rufus bought up the whole thing so he wouldn't have to share it with anyone)

"Where to?" asked Reno

"The first hole, duh." Said Rufus.

"And that would be where?"

"Just drive!" yelled Tseng.

"Fine." He said sarcastically. He pushed in the gas petal as far as it could go and drove at an irate speed.

"Reno slow down!" yelled Rufus.

"What?" he asked looking back.

To Rufus horror he realized Reno had in his headphones and was listening to some loud rock music.

"Oh no." They all said.

"Stop the damn cart right now Reno!" yelled Tseng kicking the back of Reno's chair causing him to lose control and crash into the lake.

"Reno." Stated Rufus.

"Yes?"

"You are an idiot."

"I know sir."

"Reno when we get out of this I am going to kill you." Said Elena.

"No I am going to kill him." Said Tseng

Rude simply grunted.

"I'm sorry guys." Said Reno

"Okay I know we are playing 'blame Reno' right now but the president would love to get out of here." Said Rufus

"Get the president out." Said Tseng in an 'I order you' tone of voice.

Rude climbed out of the cart first thankfully not causing it to sink further. He reached back in there and pulled Rufus out.

"Thanks." He said as he jumped over to dry land.

Next Rude pulled out Elena, followed by Tseng, then lastly Reno.

"I think my foot's stuck on the gas petal." Said Reno.

"Reno get your skinny ass out of that cart now!" yelled Rufus.

"Sir my foot is stuck." Said Reno.

"Well get it unstuck."

The Turks looked at Rufus.

"Blonde to the core." Mumbled Tseng.

"Excuse me?" asked Rufus

"Your excused sir." Said Reno as he finally got himself unstuck. "Victory is mine!" he yelled as Rude pulled him out of the cart but he pressed in the gas petal sending the golf cart half way across the pond. "Oops."

"Don't worry about it. Are you okay?" asked Rufus.

"Yes." Said Reno.

"Good. Now you do realize I will never let you drive anything again right?"

"But I'm your only pilot."

"Well… stay away from golf carts."

"Will do sir." Said Reno saluting him.

Rufus frowned "That's enough of that. Come on we're burning day light." No sooner had he finished that sentences and turned around he heard a noise. He paused. "What was that?"

"The ducks in the lake." Said Reno.

"Ducks?" asked Rufus who turned around.

"Those aren't ducks those are geese." Said Tseng.

"They're so cute!" shrieked Elena.

"They are only water fowl."

One of the geese made this purring/quaking like noise.

"AW!" said Reno making the other men give him a strange look. "What they're cute!"

"Reno." Sighed Rude shaking his head.

"Wait." He reached into his pocket and dug out a candy bar.

"Oh man Reno you carry a candy bar around with you." Said Tseng sounding a bit annoyed.

"Yes sir." He said opening it.

"Explains a lot." Sighed Rufus.

"And you guys thought I only carried cigarettes around." Said Reno breaking a piece of the candy bar off and offered it to the geese.

"You're giving it to them?" asked Rufus

"Yeah. I don't want it."

"What a waste of a candy bar!"

The goose took the candy greedily. "Do you want the rest sir?" He asked handing back the candy bar, which he had also, took a piece from for himself.

"Yes I do I'm hungry." He said taking it.

The other three Turks frowned.

"Okay I'll spilt it." He said breaking it up into pieces.

The geese saw this and began to walk towards them.

"Oh look they are walking towards us." Said Reno getting ready to eat his piece of the candy bar.

The geese glared at him.

"It's mine birdbrains." He said turning away from them.

One hissed at him.

"Go away will ya!" he yelled baking away the geese kept walking towards them.

Another hissed all of them were staring at Rufus who still had the candy bar wrapper.

"Hmmm?" he asked tilting his head to one side staring at the bird.

It hissed.

"I hate geese." He mumbled then took a bit out of the candy bar.

"Why?" asked Tseng who was being to worry about the feathered army walking towards them.

"When I was four one chased me." He said eating more of the candy bar.

"Maybe we should go sir." Said Rude by the time Rude said that Rufus was gone leaving only that darn candy bar wrapper.

One goose made a quacking like noise another hissed.

"Run?" asked Reno

"Yes." Said Tseng.

All four Turks ran yelling. "Mister President wait for us!"

And that's the end of the first chapter. Read review no flames please. If you were wondering where I came up with this idea. I had been wanting to write a humor fic for a long time but couldn't think of nothing then one day me and my friends were out for a drive when I saw a golf course and I said 'I wonder if Rufus golfs' Then I thought of this mess of confusion, the goose thing was a suggestion from another friend of mine, we were attacked by geese when we had a picnic and no, we didn't have candy bars that was some random food item that popped into my head.


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks all for the reviews. Italic is thought. Now I DON'T think that Rufus hates the Turks, I think that he likes them but having four people following you around every where you go would get old quickly so that's why he's trying to sneak out with out them knowing.

When The President is Bored 

Ch 2 Wall market

Rufus quietly walked down the hallway. He wanted to go shopping but he didn't want the Turks to know about it. He peaked into the living room to see if they were there. He had told them that he was tired and was going to go to bed earlier. Thankfully there were no Turks in sight. He laughed under his breath as he sunk past the living room.

Next he had to get past the kitchen believe it or not once in a while one of the Turks might cook something, a very rare fact but hey it happens. No Turks were present in the kitchen but there was a tray of cookies. _"Yum… no focus on the mission. Eat the cookies later." _

He was now home free. He walked out of the house and walked to the Wall Market.

He stood outside the market area. _"Super Wall Market, open 24/7. Now really who would go shopping at 2 in the morning or some other ungodly hour." _As soon as he finished that thought an image of Reno drunk wondering into the Super Wall Market to buy something. _"Okay so he would but still." _He thought walking into the store er market area. Right when he walked in he saw four people that look oddly familiar. _"It can't be…" _He stared at them for minute, three men and one woman that looked a lot like the Turks. _"Nah." _He thought shaking his head and walked on to a clothing store.

Rufus was trying on clothes when the door opened he turned around to see Elena standing there.

"You look nice sir."

Rufus being half naked in front of a woman screamed to the top of his lungs. "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU ELENA! SHUT THE DAMN DOOR NOW!"

She blushed then shut the door.

He sighed as he was getting ready to put his regular clothes back on.

There was knock on the door. "Sir are you okay?" asked Tseng.

"Yes embarrassed but okay. How did you four know I was coming here?"

"Reno figured that you were lying. I guess he is good for something."

He sighed as he buttoned his last button.

"So why did you leave with out telling us?"

He opened the door and walked out. "Can't I go shopping by myself?"

"We are only concerned about your safety."

"I know." He said handing Tseng the clothes he just tried on. "Put these up I don't like them."

"Yes sir." He said leaving.

He walked out of the dressing room area to find Elena, Reno and Rude standing there. Elena was still blushing, Reno was laughing at her, and Rude was just being… Rude.

"Evening sir." Said Reno

"Hello."

"So whatcha shopping for, sir?"

"A new suit."

"If you don't mind me asking sir what's wrong with the ones you have now?" asked Elena.

"I had Geostigma remember. Half of my suits are ruined from that damn black ooze."

"Oh." The three of them said.

"Now the last I checked I am perfectly capable of buying clothes on my own so go home."

"We can't do that sir." Said Tseng who was walking over to them.

"Why not?"

"You've only gotten over Geostigma a few weeks ago, your body is still weak."

"And besides don't you want us around to keep you company." Said Reno

_"Not in particular." _He thought. "Fine what ever." He sighed walking back over to the Men's clothing section of the store. "Help me find a white suit."

The Turks all began looking through the suits except for Tseng who was following behind Rufus.

Rufus decided to ignore him and try to find the damn suit himself, which was all fine and good till he found a bright orange suit, and I mean bright. "Gah!" He yelped jumping back.

"What's wrong sir?" asked Tseng

"Orange." He said pointing at said offending suit.

"That it is." Said Reno looking over at them.

"Want me to destroy it for you sir?" asked Tseng

"Don't tempt me." He said trying to ignore the ugliest suit on the planet and continued his hunt for the white suit. "Oh my GOD!" he yelled pulling out a pink suit.

Tseng jumped, Reno stared at it, Rude was mentally thanking God that he wore sunglasses and Elena was laughing.

"I dare you to try it on sir." She said in-between laughs.

"Rufus Shinra does not wear pink nor will he ever wear pink."

"You know sir they saw real men wear pink." Said Reno

"You try it on then."

"Oh no, no. Not with my hair."

"How about all four of you try it on?" said Elena

Tseng looked at her as if she told him to cut his hair, Rude looked like he had been punched in the stomach, Rufus looked at her as if she asked him to run through the store naked, and Reno looked shocked beyond human description.

"Oh come on. Reno you yourself said that real men wear pink."

"I said they said that. Not me I don't believe that."

"Only because I want you wear the darn suit."

"No."

"What are you scared?"

"No…"

She smiled evilly. "Come Reno it'll be cute."

"Fine I'll try it on but only if them three do it too."

"No!" the other men yelled.

"Please…" she said giving them the 'puppy dog eyes'

Next thing all four men knew they were trying on a pink suit.

"Every one ready?" asked Rufus.

"Yes sir." They all said.

"One."

"Two." Said Tseng.

"Three." Said Reno and they all walked out of the dressing rooms that they were in.

Elena busted out laughing. "Oh my God. You four look so stupid."

"I am going to kill you." Said Tseng narrowing his eyes.

"Pink isn't your color sir." Said Elena pointing at Rufus laughing.

"Keep it up and I'll fire you."

She chuckled. "Hey Rude pink is a good color for you."

Rude blushed and ran into the dressing room.

"Well Reno you were right. Your hair doesn't look good with pink."

"Haha very funny." He said walking back into his dressing room.

The other two looked at one another shaking their heads then walked back into their dressing rooms while Elena was still laughing.

Read review no flames please.


	3. Chapter 3

Sorry it has taken me so long to update. I've had writer's block and such. Remember read review no flames

When the President is Bored Ch 3 Just kidding 

Reno was sitting at his desk smoking his cigarette. Rufus was having a meeting with Reeve, Tseng had left to visit his family in Wu-tai, Elena went shopping and that just left him and Rude there alone with the former president and man who plays with stuffed cats.

"You know what."

"What?" asked Rude

He thought about it for a minute. Reno truly did have a random but funny thought pop into his head and now it was gone just as mysteriously as it had appeared.

He sighed. "Reno if you're going to start some weird ass conversation please finish your thoughts so I can go on with my life."

"Now that's no way to be." He said getting up from his desk and put the cigarette out

"So what were you thinking?"

He paused. "I think many things."

"That's surprising."

He glared at him. "One!" he stated sitting on the edge of his desk. "How come the two of us have to stay here while the others have fun?"

"Be-"

"Two!"

He sighed.

"Why are presidential figures so weird?"

"What?"

"Why are presidential figures so weird? Let's look at the facts, one we have Rufus Shinra the former pres of Shin-ra inc."

"He's still the president… even though the company went out of business."

"Not the point. The point is Rufus is weird."

"Rufus also signs our checks so-"

"Think about it Rude. Why does he wear so many clothes?"

"He gets cold easily."

"That's lame he's just weird that's all there is to it."

"No that is the reason."

"You're lying."

"Reno I'm not-"

"He is weird!"

"He's rich Reno, rich people can be as weird as they want and get away with it."

He waved his hand and ignored him. "Now Reeve there's a weird fellow."

"He's not really presidential-"

"Close enough! I mean what kind of man plays with stuffed cats any ways! And he can't fight! And-"

"He's standing right there."

"What?" he turned around to see an angry Reeve standing there with Rufus beside him. "Ummm hi." He said waving weakly

"Reno!" said Rufus firmly

"Yes sir."

"So." He said glaring to the likes of which Reno had never seen him do before. "You think I'm weird do you?"

"No sir."

"Then why did I hear you tell Rude that you think I'm weird?"

"How did you hear that?"

"Reno." Mumbled Rude covering his face

"Because Reno… YOU HAVE THE BIGGEST DAMN MOUTH ON THE WHOLE PLANET! Every one in the world probably heard you yelling that you think I'm weird!"

"And me." Said Reeve

"Oh and him."

"What kind of friend are you!?"

"I'm scalding my employee right now if you don't mind cat man."

"Spoiled brat." He mumbled

"I heard that." He snapped looking back at him. He soon turned back to Reno. "Firing you seems like a good idea right now."

"No sir you can't so that! I'm so sorry!" he begged

"First you wreck the golf cart, and got geese after us. What's next Reno?"

"I'm sorry! Please don't fire me!"

He paused. "Reno."

"Yes?"

"I'm not going to fire you."

"Your not!"

"No. I was joking."

He chuckled.

He smiled. "Come Reeve let's go to 7th Heaven."

"Sure." Said Reeve as the two left.

"You okay Reno?" asked Rude

Reno looked up at him. "Now I remember another reason that Rufus is weird."

"And that is?"

"He has a sick sense of humor."

Next update coming eventually remember read review no flames.


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